Best experience ever ... my a**!! Now what? How can I possibly choose to think and feel that this moment, experience, and more arduous days and nights to come are the "best experiences ever?" In fact, I want to scream, cry and throw a tantrum about just how much this moment sucks rotten eggs. Mornings seem to be the most challenging time to reconcile with this situation. Restless, sleepless nights lead to deep dark doom and gloom mornings—no blissful early mornings of meditations in this current space and time. How in the world can I stay in integrity with my Knowing and embrace this now moment with gentle grace and love? Ah, I "see" that the spiral of despair has its grips on me. I know this energy all too well. Where do we turn or what do we turn to when our experiences, relationships, days, nights, months, or years become too much to bear? I find that there is nothing I can do but let go, allowing myself to be fully in the moment of pain and discomfort and feeling every pressure point of this blasted contraption of torture. Painfully aware of the sick ache of sleep deprivation. Ohhhh my, this hurts; my back feels as though it will snap in two. Deeper and deeper into the pain of my body, I surrender. Dear God, send your angels to minister to my mind, body, and spirit. When I arose, I realized a few hours had passed. Where did the time go? Where had I gone? I stand up (actually twerk my way out of the chair), stretch, and take full advantage of my precious 10-minute break. Now moving to face down station #5, I grab my trusty pillow and hang over the island in my kitchen. For the moment, this feels better. At least here, I can stretch my back and do a few leg lifts. Laying across the island, looking at my dirty kitchen floor, I have nothing else to do but to continue to ponder. The doom and gloom of the morning seem to have lifted during that lost time in the face-down chair. I wonder if I had fallen asleep or had fallen into the space of no-thing-ness.
What is the nothingness? Where is the nothingness? I've asked these questions before. Entering this space from a state of meditation has been my usual vehicle, but as I lie here, I remember that I have entered this space before using the vehicle of pain, both physical and mental. Maybe it has nothing to do with bliss or misery. Maybe, just maybe, it is and has always been about letting go, exiting the matrix, and "Being" in the flow; diving into the healing waters of Divine Flow, the space of pure love, the void, the essence of our creator.
I hear the sound of my muse's voice say "Life Force Energy." Hey, wait a minute, I thought we were pondering the idea of not having to "force" anything. I wanted to end this pondering with the idea that we don't have to "force" ourselves to pretend to be happy, content, accepting to be in a state of Knowing that this truly is The Best Life Ever. I wanted to drive home the fact that there is absolutely no need for false positivity. We find our best life ever in the healing waters of Divine Flow. Time to go back to the chair. Wiggling my way back into position, sensing the ache of the pressure points, I follow the lead of my muse and continue to ponder. Life Force Energy ...
life force /ˈlīf ˌfôrs/ noun noun: life force; noun: lifef
the force or influence that gives something its vitality or strength. "the passionate life force of the symphony"
the spirit or energy that animates living creatures; the soul.