Suffering draws out the true thoughts, attitudes, assumptions, and desires of your heart. - Paul David Tripp
“But Why”! screeched across the room as I firmly said, “NO, you are not going out with them.” I then retorted with the answer I knew would inform her that the argument was over, “Because I said so!” That was over 20 years ago, and to this day, the hair on the back of my daughter’s neck still stands up when she thinks of my “power trip” answer, “Because I said so.” Thank God my daughter Christina has chosen a gentler parenting style, which is very different from my hands-on-hips stance. So today, when we began discussing the idea of “suffering over your suffering,” I was struck by what my intuitive Knowing demonstrated to us. We both heard the Source of All say, “Because I said So.” I will explain what I mean by that in a minute. Here is how we arrived at our topic of suffering. As I prepared for Thanksgiving dinner, I realized I needed a large basket for the mini-loaves I had baked. I knew that the basket in my sitting room holding my collection of oracle cards and “go-to” spiritual reading was a perfect size. So hastily, without thought, I dumped everything out, which caused a big mess. While doing so, three runes fell out of their bag and landed in order on the floor. They lay there as if they had been strategically placed by an unforeseen force for an intuitive reading. A few minutes before the basket mess, I had been singing. Sometimes I sing “Angels, Angels, Angels, Angels” in different soothing tones. In my mind, I am summoning the angels to surround me and the situation at hand. Minutes before dumping the basket, I had been futzing with a wooden angel, and my Angel Ditty emerged from my lips. I think I was giving a blessing to the day and all family gatherings. I know that holidays can be a time of stress and sadness for many. As I stared at the runes, I knew their message was for Christina; she is the family runes person, and runes are her favorite intuitive tool. The angels had heard my song and come to bless us both. You see, Christina is currently navigating the murky waters of grief, and I have been at a loss for words to support her. Now, I just knew that her lost loved one was reaching out to her via these runes. I took a picture of the runes, sent it to her, and continued with my food prep without looking up their meaning. When I finally had a moment to read and absorb what was being said, it was evident that we were experiencing a “you can’t make this sh** up” moment. For a day, neither of us discussed what we had read in the Runes Book regarding the three stones. We had both processed the meaning on our own during our family’s Thanksgiving gathering. Finally, the next day Christina began the discussion by asking, “Mom, are you sure you didn’t pick those runes out for me? They were so on point. You just can’t make this sh** up. Did you read the last one and the part that said not to suffer over your suffering?” Somehow the runes had her thinking of me and my time of deep loss. There was a blip in my life when I lost my marriage, both parents, faithful dog, job, my friends, and faith. It was a time when she and her older brother were off doing their thing, leaving my youngest and me sitting in an empty home. Christina asked me how I survived what I call my “year on the couch?” She has seen the results, the person I am today, but her mind could not understand how I could navigate the intense loss of that time without going to therapy or the experience breaking me. We were talking via Marco Polo, so I have a recording of our conversation. As I searched for an answer, the following words came through. I have transcribed my comments below; forgive me that it seems a little disjointed. It all leads to our AH HA.
Yes, everything was stripped away but, the year on the couch was more about OH MY GOD I created this! First, everyone was gone, but I was keeping busy doing my work thing, but then I started moving into the reality … I had started a healing path, I went to see Brent Baum, and was in hypnotherapy, and attended Pathways. In that, I realized that Oh My God, this is my f..ing reality, my creation! Because, before, I was in the space of blame, it was everyone else’s fault in the whole world. Not Ginger’s, “I didn’t do anything”! The “This was my creation realization” was the “knock the wind out of me” realization. The identity crisis was big; I can remember the wow, Who Am I? There was a little bit of an exhilaration behind that because I had always been told who I was. So, suddenly it was the scary exhilaration that I got to choose. I have always gotten to choose, but at that time, I was learning this notion. When you first started talking today about your grief, I was thinking that for me - grief is – “I keep moving through life, but there are moments of tears.” I know that I am not like everybody, and I know that it is different for others, people experience it at different levels, but personally, grief has never been debilitating. I know that for some people, it gets to that point. But, I also am very accepting of life, what life brings and doesn’t bring. So, there is a gentle acceptance that I have. That seems to soften things like grief for me, and I have just always had it. My most recent walk with grief is with Warren, I continue living, and I continue to be busy, then there are moments of deep sadness, and I cry, feeling the moment completely. But I don’t stay in those moments or wish I didn’t have them or wonder how long they will last. I don’t even question it. Maybe that’s it! That’s the most significant part. I don’t question the feeling. Perhaps that is what “don’t suffer over your suffering” is about. Not questioning, just being “there’s my suffering, there’s my sadness.” So, I don’t question my sadness; I am not trying to make it disappear; I am not trying to DO something about it. Maybe I feel content that I did everything, and there is nothing to do except for mourning the loss of Warren. I occasionally talk to him when I need to; sometimes, I will say out loud things like, “Warren, where did you go, why did you leave?’ As I say things like that, I will feel something wash over me like, “it’s ok, it’s ok.” So that’s how I navigate. It might be because I grew up with a lot of upheaval in my household, and I learned at an early age that “it’s always ok,” ultimately, shit happens, and then it’s ok. So, I am not questioning; I don’t do a lot of questioning. I think that might be time and age or maybe giving up. My suffering on the couch was questioning. Questioning everything, why, why, why, why, constant questioning. That was the suffering. What did I do wrong, why, why, why, I have to figure this out? You know, things like, why is he like that, why is she like that, why did he do that to me. During that time, everything was gone, which was beautiful because it all needed to transcend. Right? I think it’s the whys that keep us stuck. That’s what I am feeling right now, hearing, I didn’t know that before, but I think this is Truth; I believe it’s the “Whys,” the constant questioning. That’s when allowing and accepting… which doesn’t mean you numb it. The numbing is you wanting to numb out the whys. You are not numbing out the fact. It’s the why did she have to go, why did she have to die like that! That’s what you want to numb out because you know she’s ok. You know that she is blissful! I love that! I don’t touch my runes except once a year with you or occasionally when you come over. I don’t touch the runes, and the fact that runes fell out, it was like, it’s for you! Get Nina’s attention, please. It’s such a beautiful message, and again it’s like you’re asking WHY, and it is saying here, here is your answer. Here this is the Truth; this is the reality; step out of that questioning of an earthly thought process because you will never find the answer, never. That’s my take.
Christina’s big question is, why was someone like that, such a bright light, ripped from the earth right now? Isn’t that the kind of presence we need right now?
One thought, you question why she had to leave. We don’t know the game plan. Maybe there is a timing for that kind of soul; God says I need you to come back, bring everything you learned because I need to send you out again for a new mission. Because in 2050, you are going to be blah blah blah blah. So, we don’t know what the soul’s path is or what we are doing. We don’t know that. So that is why we have to trust; we have to trust in Divine Order and Divine Timing, Divine Everything. We don’t know. She came to impact you now, in whatever way so that you will do your mission. You guys made an agreement to meet at this crossroad so that you both could do what you are here to do. We just don’t know; we don’t know. We all have our mission impossible......
The resource here, the gift of “Divine Wisdom,” is that when you find yourself in the space of relentless questioning, know that it is a spiritual alarm system to alert you to the fact that you may be “suffering over your suffering.” Feel what you need to feel but surrender to the “Knowing” that you may never find the answer to life’s mysteries while on this earth plane. As we let go of the whys, we find self-compassion and can relinquish to the voice of Divine Order, softly whispering, “because I said so.” May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding be with you always.
Norse Runes Runes are the letters in a set of related alphabets known as runic alphabets. Runes were used to write various Germanic languages before the adoption of the Latin alphabet and for specialised purposes thereafter. In addition to representing a sound value, runes can be used to represent the concepts after which they are named. Wikipedia